About Me

I am Lachlan Ware I created this blog on 6th of the 12th 2014. I am 15 years old at this point in time and I also have depression which isn't fun. My IQ is high and because of this, life events and genetics(thanks Mum and Dad) I have depression. At the moment I haven't completely gotten over depression which I have had most of my life and sometimes it doesn't 'look' like I ever will. My parents got divorced before I could remember and iv'e been in the middle for years I can handle it now but as a 6 year old it's kind of hard to choose who you want to live with, watching them fight and knowing there going to court to fight for you its just a little overwhelming. I see my Dad every holiday now and he's kind and loves me but I hate it when I see him depressed, I love him too and just want him to be happy. My mum remarried to my step Dad named Joe who is kind and caring which I think is lucky considering I could of got someone evil and cruel, I was an only child till they had a son and 3 years later a girl I have a 10 year age gap between me and my brother, other than those siblings I have a step sister a couple years younger than me who I don't get see that much but when I do I enjoy every moment and I know as time passes I will see her more. All my life iv'e had a lot of solitude and been pretty quite, my grades were just above average throughout my primary school life because of no motivation due to depression. I was told I was really creative because I drew, painted and made things that were well above anyone else my age. Iv'e made friends alright throughout my life but I usually feel like the odd one out watching them happy and enjoying themselves, don't get me wrong I feel happy sometimes especially when i'm with friends but I zone out and always get sad again. I moved primary schools 3 times, at the 2nd school I got bullied to such an extent I went to hospital, ran away from school and around that time I attempted suicide. They bullied me because my social skills weren't the best, I was weak, depressed and I didn't have many friends(easy target). My Mum finally moved me when a kid from a mob group said he'd kill me after bashing me up so bad I was black and blue all over, I went to a better primary school and everyone was a lot kinder to me and surprisingly were a lot more mature about the times when I had break downs. I then went to high school that's where I am now and its been a lot easier with a better environment, I was really depressed for a bit of school in year 8 so my grades dropped and because of how I got bullied in primary school I didn't stand by as kids got bullied in my high school though it attracted bullies, and because of what happened in my school life I was stronger and wasn't affected by what people said or did to me anymore. Now probably some kids at my school matured and they lost interest in bullying or because I didn't react and became a less viable target, my grades are better now but I am still depressed due to other reasons and its apart of my personality now. People say that you could be worse off like some people in third world countries, though that is true and thinking like that makes you feel luckier it doesn't really change the situation I was in and how I felt, all it overly did was make me feel more sad because I felt selfish and guilty that I couldn't be happy! People get depression from a variety of ways, before I said I got depression from my IQ I meant that my brain thinks and works differently from others around me in the world. I call it philosophical thinking, its when I think so deeply about a subject like 'life' for example and by doing this at a young age such as 7, my brain can't completely handle the negative conclusions I come up with due to my emotional age being much smaller than my intelligence age, and it slowly took away most of my emotions leaving an emptiness and depressing feeling. At around the age 10 I was diagnosed with High-functioning Autism, Aspergers, ADHD and a whole lot of others but I just call it the alphabet.(XD) All together my life was one big mess but with perseverance, optimism, humour, help and time i'm here today. I have to admit i'm still depressed, question my existence and hate my negative philosophical thinking but I keep going anyway. To most i'd come across as some pessimistic, depressed 15 year old teenager but I like to look at it as though i'm an optimistic kid because I keep going, looking to what I can do in my short existence to help this world before I pass on looking forward to the happy moments that I have from time to time. My only real goal in life overall is to die a natural death with a smile on my face instead of dying sad, I may not be selling life as some amazing thing because honestly it's not all sunshine and rainbows all the time life is hard and cruel, but life does have it's up sides. I hate that others are suffering in life like me in whatever situation it might be, so I want to help by trying to raise awareness about this problem. In life if you'd talk like this(feelings, death..) to anyone they would say your crazy in a more a subtle way though and that you need help or change the subject, because as a society this is socially unacceptable due to everyone thinking so narrow minded and only liking normal because different is bad to them, not only is this thinking bad but it really confines people with depression and makes them have to live in solitude were they don't feel comfortable to speak up about their feelings towards everything. Well thank god for the internet you can say what you want when you want so please take advantage of that and speak up on this blog and on other sites, I have really conflicted thoughts towards this blog I don't know if i'll regret it or not but I hope it helps someone because to be honest I don't know if my type of thinking will help because it is totally opposite to societies 'normal'. With my mind I think in a manner where I neither have an emotional nor one sided perspective to a topic so I can take away my feeling from a topic and be for or against, kids with disabilities like mine usually have trouble showing empathy towards other beings but I can and I absolutely do not want others to go through the torture I went through all my life to get to a state were they find no point in their existence when thinking negatively, getting help early and resilience is the key to getting out of this depression. I might only be 15 but please use whatever information you can from my experiences and advice to help yourselves, to some who have had depression a lot longer than me and think my optimism and hope is naive I hope it's not to late for a different perspective for you. Anyway rambling again.. I am a philosopher, a depressed but optimistic person and I hope I don't come across as too strange but i'm taking a chance and sharing how I think so that others can hopefully benefit. I'm sure some will comment in a rather 'mean' manner to this blog but I can handle whatever you say and I hope that those people will open there minds and see this from my perspective before being judgmental and prejudice. Also if your going to comment asking for help for your situation with depression to me please refrain from doing so I am not a psychologist and have no degrees(15 you know), if you want help please use my general information and advice on my blog and ask for help from professionals. Please excuse my writing, grammar and other things like that i'm not overall good at language type stuff especially on this topic due to having so many thoughts going through my head trying to jot them all down in a neat way is pretty hard. I'll be talking about more stuff on my other pages in my blog so be sure to check that out, thank you for reading about my story(about me) and I hope you have more insight into depression.